dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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