Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
