i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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