My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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