This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
