My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize