i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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