You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
