im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
