First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
