I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
