I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
