remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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