no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize