guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
