Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
