He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
