I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
