WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
