If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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