If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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