I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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