Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
