The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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