How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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