Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
