did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
