He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
