My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
