Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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