4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
