His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
