i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
