Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm bleeding and have questions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize