I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
