haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
