Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
