Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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