Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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