She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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