I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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