It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
