I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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