During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i think i have two assholes
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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