dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
