a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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