Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
