Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so let's talk penis.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
