tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
