there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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