dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
