Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
