Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
