He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
