What did we do last night that was yellow?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
