I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
