Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
