people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
