i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
